I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
