i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
