Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
