her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
