she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
