Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
