I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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