I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
