Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
