Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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