the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
