I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
