i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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