Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
