If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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