too bad you live with your parents still
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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