how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
