I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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