He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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