Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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