Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
