i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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