so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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