made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
