It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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