Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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