Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
