i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
