glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Randomize
