Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
