she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What drink are we having for lunch?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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