PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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