Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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