So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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