Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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