then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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