I think I am morally bankrupt
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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