i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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