everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
