Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my being single is dangerous.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
