How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
