I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
