My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
