I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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