Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
