1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
