I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
