in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
