Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
