so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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