Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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