Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize