Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like eating out sand paper
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
