Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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