We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
