I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
