I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
