and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
