Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
