I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
