help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
not ubering you a puppy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
