My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize