I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're like the curious george of whores
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
