He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
