Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
