My room smells like vodka and shame
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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